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ENM Readiness Questionnaire
A questionnaire and conversation guide for people asking, "Is our relationship ready to explore ENM?"
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Is your relationship ready to explore ENM?
This is not a pass-or-fail test. It is a private reflection tool for noticing strengths, questions, and conversations that may deserve more time before taking a next step.
If you are partnered, answer separately first. For each statement, chooseYes, Sometimes / Unsure, or Not yet, then compare what you noticed without trying to persuade each other.
Short example
Six questions to begin the conversation
- I am considering ENM because I feel genuine curiosity or desire—not only because I am afraid of losing a partner.
- I believe I can say “not now,” “slow down,” or “no” without punishment, pressure, withdrawal, or retaliation.
- We can discuss vulnerable topics without insults, threats, contempt, intimidation, or shutting down for long periods.
- We are willing to address recurring conflict patterns rather than expecting a new relationship structure to fix them.
- We understand the difference between a personal boundary, a request, and a mutual agreement.
- We agree that curiosity does not require immediate action.
After answering, ask each other:
Where do we already feel strong? Where did our answers differ? What would help a “Sometimes” or “Not yet” feel safer, clearer, or more freely chosen?
Pause point: If an answer involves pressure, fear of retaliation, intimidation, or a lack of meaningful consent, pause the exploration and prioritize appropriate individual support and safety.